Funny Christmas Quotes
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it ‘Christmas’ and went to church; the Jews called it ‘Hanukka’ and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say ‘Merry Christmas!’ or ‘Happy Hanukka!’ or (to the atheists) ‘Look out for the wall!
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
There has been only one Christmas — the rest are anniversaries.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Come to me. I want to plow you
like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year’s gifts.
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.
Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
From Home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
How do you know Santa has to be a man?
No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.
Good King Wenceslas phoned for a pizza.
The salesgirl asked him, ‘Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?
You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won’t make it ‘white’.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
People can’t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
