Sayingszone

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows

A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip.

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.

Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.

Inside every older person is a younger person – wondering what the hell happened.

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m five I’ll be 64.

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.

Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.

If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes.

I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, ‘Happy Birthday’.

Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.

Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.

People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.

To me, old age is always 20 years older than I am.

Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.

The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

There is still no cure for the common birthday.

I don’t suffer from stress. I’m a carrier.

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

When your dreams turn to dust, it’s time to vacuum.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

It’s better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

Wealthy people miss one of life’s greatest thrills. Making the last car payment.

They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer.If it makes a mistake,it blames another computer.

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.

The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.But not in that order

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

Compatible Your money fits in the salesperson’s wallet.

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?”.If the bus came would I be standing here?

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you’re finished.

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.

Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt then things get worse.

It’s always darkest before dawn So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.

If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?

You know the speed of light, so what’s the speed of dark?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn’t read.

Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor’s course.

The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.

Bryn Mawr had done what a four-year dose of liberal education was designed to do: unfit her for eighty per cent of useful work of the world.

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

You can lead a boy to college but you can’t make him think.

Of course there’s a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don’t take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates….

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it’s in Hamburger Technology.

When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible. College isn’t the place to go for ideas.

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of another boy.

They are so afraid we shall break down, and you know the reputation of the college is at stake, for the question is, can girls get a college degree without injuring their health.

Colleges are like old-age homes, except for the fact that more people die in colleges.

A college is a place where pebbles are polished and diamonds dimmed.

Live For Today…Plan For Tomorrow…Party Tonight!

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.

I know it sounds like the party line, but I just love doing this show, … Larry is just an odd man, and in such an inappropriate way. He’s funny. He’s a genius, and he’s so lovable. It’s a treat to show up at work and yell at him.

I think, number one, it has to be funny, … We genuinely like and respect each other for what we cumulatively bring to the party. I think ultimately it boils down to the chemistry of the people involved.

To write a diary every day is like returning to one’s own vomit.

No party is any fun unless seasoned with folly.

There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.

You don’t have to accept the invitation to get angry. Instead, practice forgiveness, empathy and encouragement.

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you’re not “professional” any more.

At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely.

Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor’s noisy party than being there.

If I were invited to a dinner party with my characters, I wouldn’t show up.

Never be the first to arrive at a party or the last to go home and never, never be both.

It doesn’t look like anyone’s been there in a long time. Boy, this place … we had three party rooms. You went up this narrow staircase, right through there. At night the upstairs was packed, just packed. I was just lucky I found something like that to keep me going. There was so much going on, you just didn’t want to mess up. It’s funny to look in after looking out and not knowing the future every day.

There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy, Her heart.

Love is like the measles; we all have to go through it.

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.

Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries.

The ideal man goes home early,
Doesn’t flirt,
Doesn’t drink,
Doesn’tsmoke,
Doesn’t gamble,
Doesn’t womanize,
And DOESN’T EXIST!!! hahaha!

One day, Miss Perfect knocked on my door; needing help with her flat tire; but I was out screwing a girl I knew for 5 minutes.

If you see her again, please tell her to come back!

I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I’ve always found time to teach them.

A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears.

A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.

Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.

The sincerest love is the love of food.

Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can’t help but smile on it.

Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.

This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria… I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing.

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

Laugh often, Dream big, Reach for the stars!

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor’s book.

A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.

Man loves little and often. Woman much and rarely.

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

A light heart lives long.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

Never sign a Valentine with your own name.